Why Romance Novels Should Leave The Stigma Behind And Be Seen For The Progressive Reads They Are - Thursdays With The Author - November 29, 2018

Why Romance Novels Should Leave The Stigma Behind And Be Seen For The Progressive Reads They Are

5000 Trashy Romance Novels by Thedra Cullar-Ledford

I recently saw a post on a Facebook post about a piece of art made from romance novels. It was a giant cube made from the novels mostly facing outward with amazing colors, and it was absolutely gorgeous. But the title of the piece really bothered me. She had named her art '5000 Trashy Romance Novels'.

Now don't get me wrong, there are a few romance novels I'd call trashy. There's a few books of other genres that would fit that description too. But the idea here was that there were 5000 books, of different titles and authors, but all in the romance genre, that were all deemed trashy.

I write romance for a living. Even when I try writing a different genre, my brain and writing is stuck firmly on the happily-ever-after. I can't help myself. It's apparently hard-wired into my DNA.

So to see romance novels labeled as trashy, really got under my skin. The stigma of trashy novels has been around as long as romance novels have been written and published. Women would hide the novel they were reading under the dust jacket of a more conservative or non-fiction book, or behind a magazine. If someone asked what they were reading, they'd hide it away, or say 'Oh, it's nothing'. 

As a romance writer myself, I find myself instinctively leaning towards ashamed when someone asks me what I write. I'm not ashamed, quite the opposite, but society has raised me to think that writing about love is some guilty pleasure, a subject that shouldn't be taken seriously, a thing you do but don't talk about. And that's some Grade-A bullshit right there.

I fell in love with reading at a very young age and went through all the age appropriate books at the library well before I should have. I was BORED. So I started exploring the adult sections and found a lot more interesting reads. I read my fist romance novel, a well worn title by Nora Roberts, at the ripe age of twelve. I didn't even understand half of the scenes but I LOVED IT. I was hooked for life after that. I remember slinking to the checkout desk with my hoard of books with half-naked people on the cover, hoping the librarian wouldn't tell me to put them back, or worse, tell my mom what I was trying to check out. Instead, she smiled, and showed me where the newest romance releases could be found. I was lucky to have such a progressive librarian. 

A classic romance cover featuring a (normally) shirtless Fabio

I grew up in a tiny town of 400 people. Everyone went to church on Sunday. There were no gay people, no minorities, no one that spoke anything but English. You were required to get married, and only have sex after the fact. That's the life I grew up living. I was sheltered. I was ignorant. I would have been trapped... if not for romance novels.

Those 'trashy' reads that no one wanted to admit they read, introduced me to an entirely new world. I read about sex, before marriage, during marriage, after divorce. I read about relationships. I read LBGTQ stories. I read stories featuring minorities. I read stories where characters spoke other languages. I read stories with women who didn't fit the 'norm' and men that weren't the same-old-same-old. I was reading about real life, only I didn't know it until I was much older.

Really, the only thing that could be considered fiction in a romance novel is the guaranteed happily-ever-after. Because we know in real life, that's a lot harder to get and sometimes we never have it. But everything else? Real life.

I read a blog post not long ago titled 'Why Romance Novels Should Be Part Of Your Regular Feminist Reading' and one section that really got me was when the author was describing a conversation with her mother about trashy romance novels. 

“I know they’re not the most intelligent reading,” my mother said, in a tone that could only be described as apologetic, referring to her love of writers like Nora Roberts and Julia Quinn as a “guilty pleasure.”

“Of course you’ve been taught to feel guilty about reading romance novels," I told her. “They’re practically the only books in which women get exactly what they want, all of the time, and aren’t asked to feel bad about it.”

After reading that article, I started thinking about all the things romance novels taught me that I would never have learned otherwise. Things that pushed the boundaries. Things that challenged stereotypes. Things that pushed for change. Things that made love in any form, fashion, and time completely normal and right. Romance novels changed my world and continue to do that for anyone that reads them.

Homosexual relationships? Romance novels. 

Casual and consensual sex without marriage required? Romance novels. 

More than one partner in your adult life? Romance novels. 

Exploring your own body? Romance novels.

Not putting up with bullshit from a man? Romance novels. 

Educated and empowered women? Romance novels. 

Questioning authority and ‘the way it’s always been done’? Romance novels. 

Women ahead of their time? Romance novels. 

Expecting and demanding open communication and emotional connections in relationships? Romance novels. 

Great sex where both parties were satisfied? Romance novels. 

The female orgasm, how it’s natural, how it happens, how to get there? Romance novels. 

Sex education including SAFE and responsible sex? Romance novels. 

Dating? Romance novels. 

Happily ever afters? Romance novels. 

Handling breakups? Romance novels. 

Moving on after divorce and even death? Romance novels. 

Bad-ass women and powerful women? Romance novels.

Men unafraid to be sensitive, emotional, nurturing? Romance novels. 

The list is endless for what romance novels taught me growing up. 

The overall rule I learned as my love of reading romance morphed into writing it, was the relationship came first, sex was second. 

Trashy that is not. 

Think about how young people, particularly boys, learn about sex and relationships. From their parents, from other family members or friends,  from porn. The first two can be great, as well as horrible examples. The last is nothing but horrible. Even the actual mechanics of sex can be wrong in a lot of porn. And there’s no relationship, nothing resembling real life.

Now if they read romance as a primer for relationships and sex, they’d have a much healthier understanding. Talking to each other, connecting on a personal level, striving to make each other happy, and having really great, really descriptive, really wonderful sex.

Foreplay, oral, sex, orgasms, kink. They’re all well-detailed in romance. 

But it’s never just about sex. 

The relationship, before, during, after, is the key component. 

Which would you rather your kids learn from? Which would you rather learn from?

I’d pick the ‘trashy’ romance  every time.

Weekend Review - The Place We Went To Yesterday - Lisa Mauro

Weekend Review is a brand new series of posts that I am starting up. Each weekend, I will post a new review of a book I've just read, with some Q&A with the author. 

I have sporadically reviewed for my fellow authors before but wanting to do more (partially in hopes that someone would return the favor), I decided to post on Facebook that I was looking to do some reviews to post on my blog. I had over 50 responses in about an hour, before I started informing people that I could no longer take requests. 50 books is A LOT of reading!

The thing about my post is that I didn't make it specific on genre, style, length, etc. I wanted to read everything, even those that were out of my 'comfort zone'. I didn't interview any of the authors for spots on my list, it was a first come, first serve basis. Some of them are brand new authors, some are seasoned veterans, some are self-published, some traditionally, some have representation, editors, marketers, cover designers, some are doing everything all by themselves. 

I have no idea if what I am about to read is even going to be good. For the most part, I haven't read the blurbs and/or reviews on any of the books. I just open them up and start reading, with as open of a mind as I can muster. I tend to review as I read. A private one for the author, with more details. Things I think they could have fixed/done differently, mistakes I found, formatting issues, things I loved etc. Then when I've finished the book, I write the 'public review' which you will see below. That review gets posted to Amazon, Goodreads, Shelfari, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, etc.





For this debut series post, I will be sharing my review of The Place We Went To Yesterday, the debut novel of author Lisa Mauro.

First off, a little about Lisa:

Lisa Mauro is a novelist, blogger, and pharmaceutical consultant. She is the Secretary of the Board of The Women Fiction Writers Association. The Place We Went to Yesterday is her first novel, published by Heartless Press. She lives in Boston, MA with her better half, Brian, and an obnoxiously cute kitten, Harper.

And here's my review of The Place We Went To Yesterday:

4 out of 5 stars

The Place We Went To Yesterday is a powerful story that brings the traumatic affects of abuse, neglect, low self-esteem, and poverty to the spotlight.

As seen through the eyes of young Ella, the reader begins a journey that starts in the Baruch Houses of New York City and follows get through the foster care system, life in a group home, and the struggle to pull herself from the cycle if poverty.

The Place We Went To Yesterday is a great read, appropriate for teens and adults. The perseverance and survival of the main character when all odds are literally stacked against her, makes a great inspirational read. It is also a great illustration that you can be better than the situation you were born into. I would recommend this title for ages 16 & up due to the small amount of mature language and situations.

I give this debut novel from Lisa Mauro a solid 4 out of 5 stars. She is definitely an author to watch out for , and I expect to see more great books from her. I do not know this author personally, and was gifted a copy in exchange for an honest review.

And now, to get to know Lisa a little better:




What books have most influenced your life?


I’m a big fan of Sylvia Plath, Joyce Carol Oates and Margaret Atwood. I take a lot of inspiration from their strong, female-driven stories. I think Plath’s voice, in particular, is exceptional. I also get inspiration from memoirs and non-fiction. Writers like Jeannette Walls (The Glass Castle), Azadeh Moaveni (Lipstick Jihad) and Nancy Venable Raine (After Silence: Rape & My Journey Back) have been influential in my life in both a general way but also as I’ve developed my own writing style.


What do you think is more important: Characters or Plot?

Characters.  Definitely characters.  If you can create deep characters, it really doesn’t matter what the story line is.  Your readers will connect and will lose themselves in whatever the plot is.  I’ve seen authors that put so much effort into the plot but completely forget to develop the characters and it’s always noticeable.


What book do you wish you had written?

Susanna Kaysen’s Girl, Interrupted.  Not only was it a wonderful read with relatable characters, the movie was well-cast.


If you could cast your main character(s) in a Hollywood adaption of your book, who would land the roles?

I think America Ferrera would make an amazing Ella, although she’d probably turn it down for being typecast.  But when I think of strong Latina women, she always makes my short list.  And since we are dreaming, I think Selena Gomez would make a great Lara.  It would be strange to see, though, because she’s such an A-lister.  I think seeing her in a small, but powerful role, would be interesting.


What is your least favorite part of the writing/publishing/marketing process?

I am absolutely terrible at self-promotion.  I’m naturally a very extroverted person and I’m supremely proud of my work, but ask me to talk about it and I suddenly clam up.  I realize that it’s necessary, though, so I force myself to do it.

What do you like to do when you aren't writing? 

When I’m not writing, I’m either reading or practicing vocals for the band Love Songs for Arsonists. I have a lengthy read/review list chock-full of indie authors.  If I’m not doing either of those two things, I’m probably watching 30 Rock on repeat or, when the weather is more cooperative than it has been lately, out shooting photographs.


Is there a message in your novel that you want the reader to grasp?

If I had to summarize it in one sentence, it would be: Education is the key to breaking the poverty cycle.  Of course it’s no guarantee of future success, but I do honestly believe that education provides a broader world-view and can spark the kind of change people need to turn their lives around.


What is one tip you'd give to up & coming authors?

Hire an editor.  Seriously.  Spend the money. I can’t tell you how many novels I read that have such potential and are completely ruined by a lack of editing.  You can have a wonderful plot and well-developed characters, but it means nothing if a reader has to stumble over poor grammar.


If you could spend the day with one person, alive or dead, who would it be and why?

My mother.  She passed away a few years ago from breast cancer and I miss her every single day. Despite having spent much of my teenage years being angry and rebellious, we managed to fix our relationship before she passed away and I’m so grateful for that. But, I’d love to have a chance to sit down with her and talk about my work and how far I’ve come.  I like to think that she would be proud.  Writing has always been something I was passionate about, but it took me a long time to produce something I felt was worth sharing. 

What's next for you?


I’m working on the sequel to The Place We Went to Yesterday.  I wrote it as a stand-alone book, but when it was done, I realized that it had so much more potential.  And the fan base I’ve built is really insistent on knowing what happens to her.  I’m also working on an as-yet-unnamed novel that is very different.  It’s women’s fiction and deals with some sensitive issues around assault and the unraveling of a marriage.  And somewhere in there, I’m working with Love Songs for Arsonists on re-recording and releasing our album as an acoustic version.





Here are some great ways to connect with Lisa:

Facebook
Lisa Mauro Website
Twitter
Goodreads
The Place We Went To Yesterday Facebook

Get The Place We Went To Yesterday HERE


I recieved a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. 


Stay tuned next weekend for the next installment of Weekend Review!

Passing on Books to Your Children - Thursdays with the Author

What we teach our children lives on long after we are gone. There are many things we teach them, from tying their shoes, brushing their teeth, saying please and thank you, riding a bike to driving a car, how to be self-sufficient, etc. As parents, we can easily lose track of how many things we actually teach our children.

But in today's world of eReader, tablets, 24 hour information, and ever-evolving technology, are we missing out on some of the most important lessons? 

Like teaching your children to love the written word. Today, we don't even have to read to our children. eBook stores are full of audio books. Bookstores are full of children's stories complete with an audio CD. Cartoons are on at least three TV channels 24 hours a day. Children haven't changed. They still soak up the world around them the same way they have been for hundreds of years. But the world around them has changed. The way we parent has changed.

We don't even have to teach our children to read anymore. They learn it all in school now. We don't have to read to them either. We just turn on our tablet or phones and click the reading app that tells the story for them. Not like most of us would have time anyway. Most parents work all day, come home and scramble to make dinner, get the kids working on their homework, bath and bedtime rituals, and luckily an hour or so of alone time to try and catch up on housework. That doesn't even include extracurricular activities and sports.

But we HAVE to make time for instilling a love of the written word in the next generation of children. It doesn't even have to be YOUR children (if you don't have any). Grandchildren, nieces and nephews, cousins, neighbors, school kids. Today's children are LOSING the art of story telling and it's up to US to save it. I'm not just talking about just reading them books. Writing their own stories, making ones up, you making them up. A love for a world that's not their own. Feeding their creativity and imaginations. Don't say you don't have the time. MAKE the time. Don't say you don't read well out loud. KIDS DON'T CARE. Don't say your kids don't have any books they like. FIND SOME!

Here's some tips to help your kids fall in love with the written word. These can work from babies and some all the way to pre-teens and teenagers. It's NEVER too late to start.

1) Reading at bedtime. 
This will be a time-crunch for most of us. Deal with it. From the earliest age, this is one of the best habits you can make with your children at bedtime. Here's some things to try:
A) Dress up as a character from the book for story time
B) Use different voices for different characters
C) Get the whole family involved in acting out the story
D) As your kids get older, have THEM start reading to YOU

2) Make up/Tell stories
A) I have a few standard fairy-tales that I like to tell my kids like Goldilocks and the Three Bears, The Three Little Pigs and Three Billy Goats Gruff. I embellish them, change them and do crazy voices every time I tell them. Sometimes my kids give me a topic to start with and I make up a story on the fly from there. I'll post one such story below.

3) Let your KIDS make up the stories. 
This can be tougher, depending on the age of the kids. Sometimes you have to give them a starting theme or help them along. Another thing we do is popcorn stories. Each person says a line in the story and it 'popcorns' to the next person for the next line. Stories can get crazy and hilarious this way. My 9 year old son likes to inject Minecraft subjects and fart jokes on his turn and my 6 year old daughter always uses princesses and ponies. When it popcorns back to mom or dad, it's a good chance to reign in the crazy and try to get the story back on track. Regardless of what they come up with, they are using their minds and being creative so let them! 

4) Get the books your kids like!
If your 5 year old is infatuated with tigers, get tiger books! If your 7 year old son loves dinosaurs, get dinosaur books. If your pre-teen is dealing with sibling issues, get the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books. If your daughter loves the color pink, try the Pinkalicious books. If they have books they will love, they will literally devour them. Let your bank account take a hit on this one, it'll pay off!

5) Take your kids to story-hour or the reading program at your local library.
Reading programs are usually summer events but story-hours typically go year round. Not only will your kids be encouraged to read, they will be hanging out with other kids, the same age, that are just as excited about reading.

6) Go to author signings for children's authors.
You might have to make a drive to a bigger city for this but it's an awesome experience for your kids. Not only will they score a new, autographed book, they will be able to meet the author, ask questions, and live the general excitement that a book signing always is. James Dean and Eric Litwin, creators of the amazing Pete the Cat series, are my most highly recommended book signing you should try to attend. So far they stick mostly to Atlanta, GA area, so this might be impossible for you. All the Pete the Cat books have a song with them and it is preformed during a reading at their book signings. They also have videos of these songs on Youtube.

7) Have your kids WRITE their stories.
You will waste a million pieces of paper. You will inwardly cringe at the grammar and spelling mistakes. You'll have to hold in your sigh at the complete lack of plot and utter nonsense they write. But you WILL smile and laugh. You WILL tell them they wrote an amazing story. You WILL be immensely proud of them. Because you actually will! If your little one is too young to write, write it for them as they tell you the story. Let them draw all the pictures. Keep their adorable, chaotic stories in your keepsake box because you will pull them out when your children are all grown up and cry tears of joy as you reread them.

8) Go to the bookstore with your children, find the children's section and let them explore the wonder that is children's literature. 
Most stores have story sessions on the weekends. Plan your trip during these times for an even better experience. Don't ever go and NOT let them buy at least one book so plan with your checkbook accordingly.

9) Make your kids read the book before they ever see the movie. 
This one mostly goes for teens/preteens (Twilight, Divergent, etc) but is also good for younger kids (The Lorax, Wizard of Oz). There are SO many movies out that started from books. Your kids will never know what they're missing if they don't read the literature that inspired the Hollywood creation before they see it.

10) Let your children see YOU reading or writing. And loving it.
Nothing is going to teach them to love books and writing more than watching you be the perfect example!

So there you go! Try a few, try them all, just try! Reading and writing, and LOVING it, is one of the most important things the next generations will learn. Out of them will be our next great author, they will write the next books we can't put down, they will be the brightest and most creative imaginations in our world. Be a part of making that a reality we all live in. :)
Here's a story I made up for my kids a few months back after a torturous few weeks of my 6 year old daughter trying to pull a tooth. As soon as it came out, they were begging for a story about it.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful warrior princess known as Aubree the Fair. Not long after her sixth birthday, the young princess faced a challenge that would prove her strength and virtue.

The princess had a loose tooth and no matter how much wiggling she did, no matter how much help the King and Queen offered, the tooth refused to budge.

Princess Aubree knew she had to be brave and do everything she could to remove the vile baby tooth so her new, grown-up tooth could take its rightful place in her mouth. So enlisting the help of her trusty lion stuffed animal, Princess Aubree sat down with a magical paper towel, determined to win the ultimate battle of willpower against tooth.

Using all of her mighty strength, Princess Aubree wrestled with the stubbornly set tooth. Her muscles quivered, her hands shook from effort. Tears sprang to her blue eyes and a slight sob caught in her throat. She closed her eyes, forcing her mind to focus, and yanked with all her might.

When she opened her eyes, the tooth , the origin of the epic battle, the source of all her frustration, lay in her hands. With a shout of triumph, she held the tooth up for the kingdom to see.

The King and Queen praised her fortitude. The young Prince admired her bravery. Nobles from the far reaches of the realm paid homage to her valor. "Princess Aubree, Vanquisher of Baby Teeth!" they shouted. 

That night, the Good Fairy honored the young princess for conquering the evil tooth.  "For standing defiant and true in the face of great adversity, I reward thee, Aubree the Fair and Brave, with a coin of good fortune," the Good Fairy declared.

Aubree The Fair stayed ever vigilant, knowing that she had won the battle but the war against her baby teeth was far from over. 

The End


And for a personal touch, here's a few pictures of my hubby reading to my youngest. He HATES getting his picture taken and will probably equally hate that I put it on the world-wide-web for all to see, but I wanted to show you all how much fun it can be reading to your children. (Sorry for the blurry shot, I had to make it quick to get away with it!) 
Our daughter is learning to read so she typically starts the story by herself and we finish when she's ready to stop. Green Eggs and Ham gets rather long-winded about half-way through, so that's usually when Mommy or Daddy take over. (And side-note, my hubby really dislikes reading out loud and isn't generally a big reader at all, so it's a step out of his comfort zone to do this for his kids.)